"Crazy For Christ"
by Fred Passmore copyight 2004

(Please read the Rights of Use conditions at the bottom of this page before printing out.)

Synopsis: A young Christian intern applying for a position at a mental institution finds himself on the defensive against a hostile interviewer. His faith comes under fire as the Administrator examining him begins to question his sanity!

Characters: Bob White, the intern. Dr. #1, who conducts the interview. Dr. #2, who reveals the secret twist. A nurse and two orderlies.

Costumes: Bob is wearing a suit, the Doctors may wear suits or wear white lab coats or smocks. The nurse and orderlies dress in white.

Props: A file folder, desk phone, pen and writing pad, fake hypodermic needle for a shot. HINT: Some party stores sell writing pens that look like a syringe, which will work if needed. But this might be a better option, for humorous effect: Click on the image to the right to view a hi-resolution version of this hypo picture. Save it to your harddrive and print it out on glossy photo paper. Then, glue the photo onto cardboard and cut out. Use this for the prop! (Warning: may cause some hypo-phobic viewers to faint!)

Setting: The inside of the Administrator's office, which calls for a desk with a chair, and a chair in front of it.

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"Crazy For Christ"

(If you are using the Supplemental Skit Trax CD, begin Track #12, the skit open music.)

(The Doctor enters the room, reaches for his white doctor's coat and puts it on. He goes to the desk and sits down behind it. He is flipping through some papers, reading a file, when there is a knock at the door. He takes off his glasses with an aggravated grimace and drops the file back on the table.)

Doctor: (With some irritation.) Come in!

Bob: (Entering.) Dr. Korby?

Doctor: (Brusquely.) That's the name on the door, isn't it?

Bob: Uh... yes, sir. May I speak to you?

Doctor: You just did.

Bob: (With a polite laugh.) Yes, I did. I mean, may I speak to you some more... besides what I just said.

Doctor: Well, come on in, that hallway is drafty. This building is so old it takes a fortune to heat and holding the door open doesn't help.

Bob: Sorry. (He closes the door and moves over to stand beside the table.) My name is Bob White, I'm applying for the intern position you advertised for. (He moves toward the Doctor with his hand extended to shake, but the Doctor puts his glasses back on and waves him to sit down.)

Doctor: All right, have a seat then.

(Bob hesitates at the slight, then withdraws his hand and sits on the chair in front of the desk.)

Bob: I faxed you my resume earlier, and I...

Doctor: (Interrupting him.) Yes, yes, that's what I'm looking at right now. (He flips through the pages.) Hmm... Uh, huh...

Bob: My last position was at St. Christopher's, where I worked for 2 years, until...

Doctor: (Interrupting him again.) Yes, for two years, until they reduced their staff due to budget cutbacks. I see that all right here. No need to repeat it.

Bob: (Leaning back in the chair and folding his hands on his lap.) Yes, sir.

(He waits for a few moments more as the Doctor reads his file, tapping with a pen on the tabletop, and the silence grows uncomfortable. Finally the Doctor drops the file loudly on the table and looks up at him.)

Doctor: Your resume looks fine, but it doesn't tell me what I want to know. St. Christopher's was founded as a religious organization. I suppose the recent new laws removing state support for any religious mental health facility had to do with the cutbacks.

Bob: Yes, sir, it did. Which is kind of ironic considering it was the first established in this city, and that even the first asylums anywhere were founded by Christians seeking to lift the mentally ill from the prisons.

Doctor: (Suddenly hitting the desk with his finger and leaning forward angrily. Bob reacts, startled.) You see, that's the mentality, right there, that I've been fighting against for years. The idea that a person's mental illness can be helped by those that have problems accepting reality themselves. It's laughable!

Bob: I beg your pardon? What does that mean?

Doctor: Are you being interviewed here, or am I?

Bob: I am, sir...

Doctor: And in this interview, I ask the questions, not you, correct?

Bob: Well, yes, but...

Doctor: Thank you. Now, I won't necessarily hold the clinic's philosophies against you, you just worked there. But I do need to ask you some questions to determine if you are compatible with the Happydale Mental Health Institution's charter and tenets.

Bob: Of course, Doctor.

Doctor: (Taking out a pen and pad.) Now then... your credentials are in order, quite impressive, in fact. But I'd like to know a little about your approach to treating patients with a weak grasp of reality. First, we all have to agree on what reality is. Do you concur?

Bob: Absolutely.

Dr.: So tell me... does reality include the concept of talking animals?

Bob: (Surprised.) Say what?

Doctor: Talking animals. And I don't mean parrots. When did you begin to believe that... oh, say, a... donkey, for instance, could speak, and carry on intelligent conversation?

Bob: That's ridiculous! I don't believe any such thing!

Doctor: (Leaning forward as he springs the trap.) Really? Well, in the Bible it says that Balaam's donkey spoke to him. Was it a lie?

Bob: (Taken aback.) Uh, no... I had... I had forgotten about that.

Dr: So, you do believe a donkey can speak.

Bob: (Hesitatingly.) Well, not ordinarily, but with God, all things are possi...

Dr. Just answer the question, yes or no.

Bob: (After a pause.) I suppose the answer would have to be "yes."

Dr. (Writing on the notepad.) I see. And how about a man being born to a mother, but with no father? Is that reality?

Bob: I can see where this is going, Doctor. To answer your question, I do believe that Jesus had no earthly father. But I'm here to discuss my practice, not my beliefs.

Dr. I don't think they can be separated. For example, do you believe that a man can fly? Without any artificial or visible means of support, that is.

Bob: Well, no, but...

Dr. I take it you don't believe in the Second Coming, then. We won't even split theological hairs over the Rapture, just stick to the scripture about all believers rising to meet Jesus in the clouds at the first resurrection.

Bob: I do believe that, actually....

Dr. You see? How could you effectively convince a man of the simple truth that he can't fly, when you yourself believe that you could one day take off (flapping his hands comically) and fly through the air -in your body, no less- to meet Jesus? Your own ground is shaky there.

Bob: (Settling back, he is becoming firmer in his answers as he rises to the challenge.) Actually, my belief foundation is solid as a Rock. Which is Christ.

Dr. (Leaning back and studying Bob with a clinical air.) I can see you need convincing. (Taking a piece of paper from his shirt pocket, he unfolds it and holds it up.) I have a quote here from a respected speaker and writer, that I'd like to read to you. (Reads from the paper.) I quote: "A born again Christian is an adult who, when looking over Christian tenets, deliberately as a mature adult reaffirms, and reasserts, and rededicates himself to the absolutely insane idea of Christianity. I think all of those people, without exception, are a little sick, they have a portion of their brain split aside, in which they carry on irrational ideas and fantasies, and cannot be wholly intellectual people." End quote. (Looking back at Bob.) I wholeheartedly agree with that statement, and you would do well to consider it.

Bob: I'd love to know who wrote that. I'm sure their life would show the results of such a belief. Who was the author?

Dr. Um... One Dr. O'Hair.

Bob: O'Hair... you wouldn't happen to be referring to the late Madalyn Murray O'Hair, would you?

Dr. (Reluctantly.) ...Yes.

Bob: (Raising his eyebrows.) I rest my case.

Dr. (Miffed.) I suppose you also deny the facts of evolution in favor of your creation myth?

Bob: Excuse me, but the fact is, there is NO proof that evolution is anything more than a faulty and flawed theory; even Darwin himself admitted that! Out of all the supposed billions required, no undisputed intermediate fossils between species have ever been found. Creation is the one suitable explanation that fits all the facts we know. So, yes, I reject evolution and believe that God created the world like He said.

Dr. (Taking down notes rapidly, his voice betrays his irritation.) I see, I see. (Reads what he is jotting down.) "Denies... common-sense... and accepted... facts and... scientific thought." (Looking back up challengingly.) So, what do you believe about Noah's flood?

Bob: Happened. Rained forty days and nights.

Dr.: (Getting progressively louder and more irate with each question.) All life saved on one ark?

Bob: As represented by two or more of each animal, yes.

Dr. The Red Sea parted?

Bob: (Motioning with his hand.) Split right down the middle.

Dr.: The resurrection of Christ?

Bob: He's alive. I spoke to Him just this morning..

Dr.: (Savagely, leaning forward and pointing at him with the pen.) And you, sir, in my assessment, are a fool. A complete, utter, undeniable fool! There is no God!

Bob: Well, that may be your assessment of me, sir. But here is God's assessment of you..."The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God.'"

Dr. (In a rage, he pounds the desk with his fist.) How dare you!?!

Bob: (On a roll.) The Bible also says, in Romans, I believe, that "men, professing themselves to be wise, have become fools. And that they changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped the creature more than the creator." I think that's a fair description of evolution.

Dr. (Finally losing it, he throws aside the pad and pencil.) You're crazy!!! This is absolutely insane! It's all lies, I tell you, lies, to keep man from believing in himself and achieving greatness! You are mad!

(Standing and leaning over on the desk, he removes his glasses and gestures with them.) I put it to you, therefore, that not only are you unfit to work here, but you are unfit to assist in treating any patient with a mental imbalance, due to the fact that you, yourself are already severely mentally unbalanced! I further put it to you, that not only are you unfit for work here, but you are unfit for society! This interview has become an evaluation, and it is my recommendation that you immediately be admitted to this institution for observation and psychotherapy, followed by a regimen of medication to keep you from injuring yourself and others.

Bob: (Standing.) This is nuts, I'm getting out of here.

Dr. (Pointing at him.) Not so fast! (He pushes a button on the desk and speaks into an intercom.) Please send some orderlies to my office and a nurse to administer a sedative to a new admission.

Bob: (Protesting.) You can't do that. You need a court order, the diagnosis of a court-appointed Psychiatrist and signed affadavit from a relative to admit me!

Dr. (Nearly yelling.) I am the Administrator and Head Doctor, and here, I am God! What I say goes, and my evaluation is that you are a dangerously psychotic menace to society. I can have you held for your own safety until a court injunction can be obtained. You'll never see the light of day again!

(The door opens and a man in a suit enters, along with a nurse and two orderlies. Bob spins around in front of the desk to stare at them.)

Dr. #2: (Pointing at him.) There he is, grab him quick!

Nurse: (Holding up the large prop syringe.) I've got the needle ready.

Bob: (Backing up at the sight.) Oh, no, don't you dare touch me! Stay back! I'm not crazy, all of you are!

(The two orderlies advance toward him, with the intent, it seems, to grab him. But they are really after the "Doctor" who is directly behind Bob, behind the desk. The "Doctor," behind the desk, moves to the side. The orderlies move to intercept him, leaving Bob standing there in confusion. As the "Doctor" tries to dodge them, they grab him and wrestle him toward the front of the desk. Bob jumps out of the way as the Nurse gives the raving man a shot.)

"Dr.": No! You'll never take me back! I'm right, the Bible is wrong, I tell you! Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong! Why won't anyone believe me?

(He begins to slump as the drugs take effect, and the orderlies each grab an arm to support him. The actual Administrator waves them through the door.)

"Dr.": (Shrieking insanely.) Galilean! Galilean! Thou hast triumphed! (Note: Google this quote from Julian the Apostate if you want the historical source.)

Dr. #2: Take him back to his room. And tell Security I want a meeting in one hour to discuss this. (Turning toward Bob.) Who are you?

Bob: My name is Bob White, I had an appointment with Dr. Korby about the position open. What's going on here?

Dr. #2: I'm Dr. Korby, the Administrator here. I remember the appointment, but I was delayed.

Bob: (Confused.) You? Then who was... who was that man you took out of here?

Dr. Korby: A patient here, one Mr. Julian Jones. He's been allowed some duties here, the role of assistant janitor being one. It seems he's had a setback. I take it he impersonated me and tried to convince you that you were crazy?

Bob: That's exactly what happened. What's his problem?

Dr. Korby: He was an archeologist once. A good one, too. He was obsessed with proving the Bible false, and his failure to find proof drove him mad. More and more discoveries that collaborated the Bible began to surface. Several of his own discoveries supported Old Testament events, which outraged him! The empiric evidence for the resurrection alone was enough to send him over the edge, and now all he can do is rage against what he sees as a universal conspiracy against him. Classic paranoia, except in this case he's convinced that the God he doesn't believe in, is out to get him! Now, that's crazy.

Bob: (With relief, he sighs and wipes a hand across his forehead.) He had me going for a little while there!

Dr. Korby: (Looking at his watch.) Tell you what, Mr. White, it's about noon. Why don't we go to the cafeteria and talk over lunch, and then I'll give you the grand tour!

Bob: Sounds great. (As they turn to go, he stops.) Uh, one thing, Dr. Korby...

Dr. Korby: What's that?

Bob: (Cautiously.) Do you believe that a donkey can talk?

Dr. Korby: (Smiling.) Of course. I think we've just seen a prime example of that happening right here in this office today!

(Begin Track #13, the Close music.)

(Bob smiles, then laughs at this and is joined by Dr. Korby, who motions "after you," as they head out the door, talking as they go.)


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